Making vegetables unhealthy since 2011 – ranch dressing

My parents never had any trouble getting me to eat my vegetables.  Truth be told, I still like plain ol’ vegetables more than fruit, which I prefer dressed up in a savory jam (coming soon), tart, pie, sorbet, ice cream…you know, whatever.

One of my goals has been to make a ranch dressing.  Not just any ranch dressing, though – the perfect ranch dressing, the one that rules them all with an iron fist of fatty, herb-y deliciousness.  I believe I have found it: a dressing so good that I ate my way through half a head of iceberg, six cups of spring mix, and a bag of frozen broccoli just to have more.   It’s pictured here, delicately gracing the backside of a wedge salad, which I now realize looks like an iceberg igloo.  Whatever, it had bacon and it tasted great.

It’s a shamefully simple recipe.  “Shameful,” because I waited 20-something years on this earth to make it.  As usual, I put my own spin on an existing recipe with nothing but the blind and naive hope that anything I make will taste good, so take that, COOKING RULES, you can’t tell me what to do.

BONUS: this time I also tried creating a low-fat version.  SPOILER: the fatty version is much, much, much, much, much better.

Recipe after the jump.

J’s Ranch Dressing To Rule Them All (and a slightly less delicious lower-fat version)

Adapted from Epicurious 

  • 3/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 1/2 cup reduced-fat buttermilk
  • 2+ tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley
  • half clove garlic, minced
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
  • 1-2 teaspoons dried dill weed
  • salt & pepper
Whisk mayo and buttermilk together until smooth, then add lemon juice, mustard, and minced garlic.  Add herbs (to taste – I figure the more the better, because I like a strong dill taste).  Throw in a pinch of salt and a good dousing of freshly-ground black pepper.
If you like a stronger garlic flavor, do a whole clove, but be prepared for your significant other to gag and ask, “what did you eat for breakfast?!” when you breathe on him.  I have no idea if adding garlic takes this out of the realm of “traditional” ranch dressing, but who cares?  It’s delicious.
Low(er)-fat version: You can use “light” mayo for this, but I found that the light mayo I had tasted unpleasantly tangy, like Miracle Whip (gag).  I ended up adding a couple tablespoons of regular mayo just to mellow out the flavor.
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